The relationship between the disability community and beauty is complex as society has historically created beauty standards that aren’t always attainable. When I was growing up, the idea of beauty and media was always presented to me as a Caucasian blonde, thin woman with light eyes. However that’s not who I necessarily saw when I looked around my environment. I saw beautiful diverse women of color with all different shapes, sizes, and shades. And fortunately for me, my definition of beauty was a smorgasbord of different looks. The beauty was the diversity of it all.
I started to have a lot of insecurities about beauty when I was older and acquired my disability. It wasn’t so much because of my disability itself, but the way society perceives disability. That’s why for this year‘s Women’s Month I really want to dive into the relationship between beauty and disability. I sat down with the phenomenal women of LaVant Consulting, Inc. and had an insightful conversation about their personal relationships with beauty and how it’s affected them in their own lives.
“Beauty has so much power,” began Andraéa LaVant. “Power shows up in how much people connect to beauty. And from a societal standpoint, that is where so much harm can be done. When certain people or groups have power over definitions of beauty and how they enforce those definitions can impact a person’s self-worth.”
This is such a powerful way to start the discussion, as our self-worth can relate closely to how we see ourselves in the media. We don’t always get the full view of the world we live in when we only get to experience how entertainment defines beauty. There are so many stereotypes and tropes about disability within the media, which almost never shows people with disabilities as desirable. It’s not common to see a person in a wheelchair as a lead in romcom or as the face of a popular cosmetic brand like Mac or L’Oreal.
“Everything about ableism tells us that we don’t have value as disabled people, especially if we have intersecting identities as disabled women,” shared Sofia Webster. “So naturally that’s going to influence our understanding of ourselves as people interacting with beauty. I think the power and ugliness of ableism colors our experience with beauty.”
“Becoming visibly disabled was a big transition for me,” added Isabel Rocha. “I got a mobility aid to assist with a lot of things I had been dealing with. That’s when everyone else became aware of my disability. People would use beauty as if they were trying to compliment me. They would say, ‘No, no, you don’t look disabled. You’re pretty.’ I never really knew how to respond to that. Are those two things supposed to be opposite? But, It made me so aware at the time. I started to see how so many people view disability. They literally saw it as the opposite of beauty.”
Isabel’s comment just really highlights Sofia‘s earlier point about how ableism does dictate individuals’ thoughts and beliefs about beauty. I’ve also personally experienced people meeting me and feeling sad about my disability but encouraging me to have gratitude around the fact that I’m beautiful. The biggest problem with comments like the ones made to Isabel and I are that it sends the message that either you should feel accomplished for being both disabled and beautiful or the fact that someone is attractive makes them less disabled. Ableism will have you thinking that disabled folks deserve to be lonely, miserable, incapable, and unattractive. But anyone who has a close relationship to the disability community knows that although you might run into folks within the disability community with some of these characteristics, it’s not true for the whole community. No one deserves the messages ableism sends us.
“At the end of the day, I think as disabled folks we should show self compassion,” shared Carly Fahey. “Take it easy on yourself. If you love beauty or if you hate beauty, how you feel is how you feel. You don’t have to express beauty in a certain way that makes other people feel more comfortable or helps you fit in. But if you want to fit in, that’s okay too. I think that it’s okay to like beauty treatments and it’s okay to admit that you love beauty. Or it’s okay to be uncomfortable by it. That’s our truth.”
I enjoyed this insight from Carly because I think that we can lose ourselves in what other people think based on society standards around beauty. And although it’s easier said than done, we have to go on our own experience with beauty, no matter how hard or painful it may be. We also don’t have to limit ourselves to one definition of beauty. It can present itself in all types of ways in our lives. It doesn’t just have to be a look, it could be a form of expression, a piece of art or how somebody made you feel.
“When I think of beauty, I think of it as a feeling,” added Jamie Terry. “It radiates into the atmosphere. For example, if you’re in someone’s presence who is a really beautiful person or has such a beautiful soul. And it’s because of how they made me feel when I was around them. So it’s almost like beauty is an energy or a connection you share with someone else.”
“You cannot argue beauty,” shares Andraéa. “It’s not as if you can put it up against the court. What would you be arguing? How would you make a case? It’s what it is, and that’s what I love about It. It is so objective. It allows ownership, the ability to assign value to something based on your own views.”
We all are going to see beauty differently. I truly believe that’s the beauty of it. It’s everyone’s own interpretation of what is beautiful coming together to produce multiple definitions. I might be biased, but I think our team has done an amazing job walking us through the concept of beauty. We know that everyone’s going to have their own opinions and we welcome all of them. We love to hear from you all of your experiences with beauty and how it’s manifested in your lives, interactions and the world around you.
